


Never Been Kissed

by WubbaNottaFighta



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: F/M, Never Been Kissed, dating game, forever single, game show, never dated anyone
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-18
Updated: 2015-02-18
Packaged: 2018-03-13 14:10:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,275
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3384599
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WubbaNottaFighta/pseuds/WubbaNottaFighta
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You admit on a RT Podcast that you've never kissed anyone before... nor have you dated anyone. It then becomes the goal of some RT employees to get you hooked up... but the way it's done is not how you like it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Never Been Kissed

**Author's Note:**

> wrote this in one day sorry if it's shit.

            “Wait, you’ve never kissed _anyone_?” Burnie nearly choked on his beer in his seat on the podcast. Was it really that big of a deal?

            “No,” you responded, rather sheepishly, “I just… the opportunity has never presented itself, so… yeah. I mean, everyone here knows that I haven’t ever dated anyone, so why is it so surprising that I’ve never kissed anyone either?”

            “I don’t think you have to have dated anyone to have kissed someone,” Gavin said from the other side of the couch.

            “What does _that_ mean?” Burnie asked.

            “Like, there’s those spontaneous kisses that don’t end up in a relationship. For instance, New Year’s kisses. Loads of people just kiss people on New Year’s and never speak to them again.”

            “Yeah, but I’m not those people, Gav,” you reminded him your fingers playing with the edge of your shirt.

            “What would it take for us to get you to date someone in the office?” Jack asked from Gus’s normal seat. You wished Gus was here. Somehow, you knew that he’d be steering the conversation away from this topic of your relationship life to something much more interesting.

            “I… uh… what… what kind of question is that?” you inquired, giving Jack a scowl.

            “Yeah, there are plenty of single young men in the office, and you’re a lovely young lady. And I know several of those guys who have said plenty to try and get me to talk you into dating some of them,” Burnie chuckled, looking past the cameras for a moment.

            Gavin made a cooing bird noise before exclaiming, “I have a perfect idea for something, Burnie, but I’ll have to let you know after the stream is over.”

            You gave Gavin a dirty look, not knowing what his plan was, but knowing it couldn’t possibly be good.

            “Is there anyone in the office that you _would_ date?” Jack questioned. Several faces came to mind. But one specifically (who happened to be sitting in the booth at the moment) really stuck out to you.

            “Yes, but I’m _definitely_ not saying who they are, dumbass, especially on stream.”

            “Who they are?” Gavin interrupted, “Does that mean multiple?” His grin just widened.

            “Possibly,” you grumbled, crossing your arms over your chest and tucking your legs beneath you. You looked up and made eye contact with Meg and Barbara, who were offset winking at you. Although no one really knew who you had been crushing on, your friends had some clues and guesses.

            Burnie’s phone was soon lighting up and couldn’t be ignored. He was in tears as he read the messages. “I have people from around the office texting me asking me if they’ll get a bonus for getting you to date someone. Also, Matt Hullum says, ‘Tell [Y/n] that people are going to strike when she least expects it.’ Oh, God, this is fucking hysterical!”

            The podcast soon ended, and your guard immediately went up. You didn’t want to walk into any traps, and there were tons of tweets sent to you suggesting who you should date. Fanart of you with those people, fanfictions… sometimes you even clicked the ones that had _his_ name on them… but after the first few sentences you had to stop reading because it was too heartbreaking to go much further.

            As time went on, as weeks went on, the ‘attempts’ at trying to get you hooked up with people died down, and everyone seemed to forget about the content of that podcast, but you sure didn’t. You were still wary when people asked you to hang out and you made sure that people were honest with you about who was going where. Soon, you seemed to be much less outgoing than you had been in the past, all because you were afraid of getting set up and then knocked down.

            ~~~~~~~~~

            Ryan grabbed you late one night as you were working on a script for an RT Recap. “Hey, [Y/n]!” he smiled. This wasn’t an uncommon event. Ryan often came to you when he had to work late and needed to ask a question – like if your internet was still working or if it was okay for him to reset some technical thingy, or… something. He was one of your good friends because of the late night talks you’d shared in the kitchen together after everyone else had left. If he wasn’t married, you’d probably have a huge crush on him, but since you’d seen his precious kids and met his lovely wife, you were really glad that he was where he was in life.

            “Hey, Ryan. Internet not working?” you asked as you saved the document you were typing on.

            “Nah, the internet is fine,” he said, and you suddenly noticed that he had his phone in his hand, and it seemed to be recording.

            “What are you doing?” you asked, pointing towards the phone.

            “I need your help with setting up the cameras on the stage and my phone has this new app that uses the camera to measure… I’m just seeing how accurate it is by keeping it up. Since you’re one of the only people left here, I came to ask if you would mind coming to the stage and just sitting in so I can see how the cameras might need to be set up?” he responded, his a soft smile across his face.

            It had seemed like you’d heard him and some of the other AH guys talking about setting up for a show or a stream or something, so you complied. You walked with him to the stage and noticed that there was a ton of black curtain set up everywhere. “This is super creepy, Ryan,” you admitted nervously. The only things that had any color were a single bar chair that looked like it had been styled after the eighties, and the seventies style gameshow-esque background.

            “It’s fine. If you could go sit in that chair for me, that’d be great. I’ll stand over here and see if I can get the angles and stuff right. I’m going to go turn on the lights first, though.”

            You followed his orders and sat in the chair, and as soon as your butt hit the seat, the spotlights came on you and you heard cheesy gameshow music begin to play. “What the hell?” you whispered before noticing some of the curtains drop, where tons of RT staff emerged and began to cheer and clap, just like a live audience would.

            “Hello! Welcome to the RT Dating Game! I’m your host, Jon Risinger, and it’s time for us to get started.”

            You saw Ryan behind the cameras that were now pointed at you, and now recording, you were sure of it. A microphone was subtly placed next to you as people finished setting up. “Goddammit,” you whispered. Ryan’s toothy smile made you furious. He’d set you up. “You son of a bitch,” you said into the microphone.

            “This is our lovely bachelorette, [Y/n]!” Jon introduced you, “She works at RoosterTeeth and loves cursing quietly into the microphone! She is single and ready to mingle!”

            “Shut the fuck up, Jon, in your ugly purple suit and your shitty stupid fucking hair,” you growled at him. He was wearing very ugly lavender suit, with a blue and green striped tie. It was atrocious, but fitting for the gameshow theme.

            You were pretty damn pissed, though. Almost everyone who worked at RoosterTeeth was either running around working on stuff or sitting in the “Live Studio Audience” to make clapping, laughing, and cheering noises when appropriate. Burnie, Gus, and Matt stood to the side, watching closely as they tried to contain their laughter. You sent a middle finger to them, mouthing at them to kindly “Fuck off,” before turning your attention back to Jon.

            “Someone is in a bad mood today!” Jon teased, and a ‘wah-wah-wah-waaaah’ sound effect played onstage. “Now, our contestant is going to talk to three mysterious RT bachelors, whose voices have been disguised so that she doesn’t know who they are!”

            “Is this being livestreamed, assholes?” you ask with no regard for Jon’s hosting. You scanned the ‘audience’ and tried to see who wasn’t there… when you noticed… _he_ wasn’t. Not only was he not there, but two of the other guys that you were admittedly attracted to were nowhere to be seen either. And that only meant one thing: They were on the other side of the curtain.

            “This is being recorded as part of a RoosterTeeth special, [Y/n], now please do this… _for the community_ ,” Jon grinned at you, “Also, tell her what she’ll win, Gilby!”

            Adam’s announcer voice rang out, almost like he was God, “Jon, our beautiful bachelorette will win an all-expense paid date night, including a free trip to Blazer Tag, delicious dinner at a fine dining facility, and a movie of her choice with the man she chooses tonight! And that’s only one of the many prizes!”

            “I fucking hate all of you,” you grumbled as you slunk back onto the chair.

            “Let’s meet our bachelors, shall we?” Jon gave a stupid smile before walking to the other side of the curtain, where he was no longer visible to you, but only audible. “Contestant Number One is a wonderful part of our RoosterTeeth staff! Podcasts wouldn’t quite be the same without him… It’s BOB!” Everyone clapped and cheered for ‘Bob.’

            “I’m very glad to be here tonight,” the low voice said. It sounded oddly like Darth Vader… Maybe that was him.

            “Contestant Number Two has many different important titles here at RT, but ‘boyfriend’ is not one of them. Please say hello to… JOE!” The crowd again went wild for ‘Joe.’

            “It’s a pleasure to be here, Jon!” Joe’s high pitched voice was almost piercing in contrast to Bob’s.

            “The pleasure’s all ours, Joe! And finally, a man who started from the bottom, and now he’s here at RoosterTeeth, TIM!” A third round of cheers and applause from the audience came and went.

            “Thanks for having me,” the distorted voice moved between low and high pitches, never settling in the middle long enough for you to catch who it was. But you were fairly sure that it had to be three people: Chris Demarais, Blaine Gibson, and Jordan Cwierz. Determining which was which would be the difficult part. God, you could be on your way to dating _Chris Demarais_. But you didn’t get your hopes up. You still had a game to play and a prize to win.

            “Let the games begin,” you purred into the microphone as Jon Risinger came around the curtain to be next to you again.

            ~~~~~~~~~

            You tried to ask questions that would help you distinguish between the three guys, but apparently they had been prepped for you knowing just who was behind the curtain. So eventually, you started playing the game as it was originally intended.

“Okay, Bob… or contestant number one… or whatever. If you and I were gonna go to play Blazer Tag, would you want to be on my team or against me, and why?”

            His low voice rumbled and you shivered as the sound vibrated on the stage, “I probably would wanna be on your team. I mean, I’m not great at lazer tag, but you’re awesome at it.”

            “Joe, or #2 or whoever, same question.”

            “It would depend. Are we playing multiple rounds? Because I think we’re pretty evenly matched if I do say so myself and I’d wanna play with and against you.”

            “Hm… Three slash Tim. Same thing.”

            “I’d have to go with a similar answer as Joe. But if we only have one round, I’d probably have to be against so I can kick your ass a few times then you can kick mine a few times.”

            You asked more questions about the date to each of them, making them all answer the same question. Then you threw them for a loop by asking them different questions.

            “Bob, would you consider yourself to be a cuddler?” you asked, putting your forefinger to your chin.

            There was a pause before the low voice answered, “I’m kinda picky about when I have physical contact. I have my bubble and I really don’t like it when people are _too_ in my bubble, y’know?”

            You gave a nod, even though you knew he couldn’t see you. “Joe, what do you hate most about dating?” There was hesitance, and you smiled as you knew it threw him off.

            “Prerequisites,” he answered, his voice shrill.

            “What?” you asked.

            “I mean, people expecting certain things before you even know them. And also, not knowing how things are gonna work out in the end. That’s what I hate most about dating,” he explained.

            “Oh-okay… Uh…” His answer had shocked you and most of the audience members as well. “Uh, Tim, uh, if your house or apartment was on fire and there was no hope of saving it, what one thing would you grab before you run out, if you already have your phone, wallet, and keys on you.”

            The distorted voice spoke up more quickly than the other two, “Probably my laptop, since it has all my stuff saved on it. God, I hope my grandma wasn’t in my apartment at the time.” You laughed at this quick little addition to the answer.

            ~~~~~~~~~

            After an hour of questioning the men behind the curtains, Jon stopped you. “It’s time for [Y/n] to make her final decision. First, we’ll go to a short commercial break, then we’ll come back to see which lucky bachelor she has chosen and what all she has won!”

            You had still been trying to discern who was whom the entire time. They’d really screwed you. It was really impossible for you to go based on who you _wanted_ to date. Well, technically you wouldn’t mind dating any of the three, but you had an affection towards Chris that was just absolutely undeniable. In this game, though, you didn’t know if he’d actually be your first choice. In fact, you didn’t know 100% for sure if those three _were_ the ones behind the curtains.

            Barbara had come on camera to do some Vanna White style ad for some sponsor. Adam’s voice read the ad as Barb showed the product. Jon walked over to you and put a gentle arm around your shoulder.

            “Make a decision yet? We have three sponsors to show, so you have plenty of time,” he said with a cheeky grin.

            “I’ve been trying to figure out who they are the entire time. Like, I know who they are, but I’ve been trying to figure out which each one is. I just can’t. But I know which one I’d mesh best with, but I’m terrified that it won’t be what I thought,” you admitted, your voice cracking as you whispered up into his ear and away from the mic.

            “Hey, we did this so you’d be able to find the _right_ person, not just some person. We picked people who you’ve shown interest in and who have shown interest in you. And if you think you’re gonna get along with one of them more than the others, pick that guy. I believe in you, [Y/n].”

            You looked over and saw Burnie, Gus and Matt again. They were giving you confident thumbs ups. You looked into the crowd, who wasn’t paying any attention to Barbara’s advertisement. Instead, they began to hold up signs. ‘Choose who you want!’ ‘You’ll make a good decision!’ and ‘We believe in you!’ were just some of the things written on the signs. Ryan was giving you a huge grin and a double thumbs up. When the ad was over, everyone cheered and yelled, excited to see which bachelor you had chosen.

            You sat up straight in your chair, awaiting Jon to give you the go and more instructions. “Gilby, please remind our contestant what she’ll win tonight!”

            “Of course, dickhead!” laughter erupted through the crowd, “Our lovely [Y/n] will win an all expense paid date to Blazer tag, a fine dining experience in Austin, Texas, and a movie-going experience of her choice! Also, depending on which bachelor she chooses, she will receive a mystery prize pack based on that bachelor for the couple to enjoy together.”

            “Thanks, asshole!” Jon retorted, and giggles came from the audience, “It’s…”

            “No problem, shithead!” Gilby interrupted, and more chuckling ensued.

            “ _Anyways_ …” Jon continued, clearly aggravated, “Our contestant will announce the lucky bachelor, then will stand next to the curtain for the big reveal. Our bachelor will stand on the other side of the curtain, and after a countdown from ten the curtain will be dropped. The other bachelors will remain on the couch on their side of the curtain.” He turned to you, “Is our bachelorette ready?”

            You nodded, “I… All these guys sound like wonderful gentlemen. I feel like I’d be willing to date any of the three. But the guy that I felt a real connection while I was asking questions definitely had to be…”

            The room was as quiet as it had ever been for a few seconds until a drumroll effect played. When it ended you announced, “Contestant number 2, Joe.”

            The room went ballistic. Everyone was cheering and whooping and hollering for your decision. You had a suspicion that they would have done that regardless of whom you had chosen. You went to the curtain where Jon commanded you to go and faced it, waiting for the big reveal of your mysterious contestant, Joe.

            Jon announced that he would initiate the countdown. And slowly, almost agonizingly, everyone in the studio began to count.

            “10!” Your knees felt weak.

            “9!” Had you really made the right decision?

            “8!” You honestly felt like you were going to puke.

            “7!” What if it _wasn’t_ one of the guys you had thought?

            “6!” Your chest was heavy.

            “5!” What if it was someone you _didn’t_ have interest in – you’d just been nice to them?

            “4!” Your hands were shaking.

            “3!” It was too late now.

            “2!” You sucked in a huge breath.

            “1!” This was it.

            And the curtain fell. And behind it was none other than that nerd Chris Demarais. He immediately pulled you into his arms and hugged you tightly, but you didn’t want that. God, no. You pushed back so you could look up at his face and you pulled him in for your first kiss.

            Everyone was now on stage around you with their cameras out. You just knew that this was going to be an RT Life or something, but you honestly didn’t care.

            It turns out you’d been right about the other contestants. Jordan had been contestant Bob and Blaine had been contestant Tim. You were really glad you had ended up with Chris, though, and as you went on the first… and then the second, and then the third date (where you used the prize pack and watched all the Lord of the Rings movies you possibly could and ate Star Wars themed snacks and many other nerdy things) and every date from then on out.

            And eventually you were glad for the RT Dating game. Despite the fact that they took the all the filming of that night (from Ryan coming to get you to literally _every_ angle of you kissing Chris) and mashed it together to make one of the highest view-grossing videos RoosterTeeth had ever produced, you knew that it caused one of the best things to happen in your life: your first and only boyfriend, Chris Demarais.

**Author's Note:**

> Yeahhhhh that ending sucks sorry guys I wrote it in one day my bad. My concept was great, execution was pretty fuckin' awful.


End file.
